The moment you stop managing your wedding
One of my favourite moments from Rachel and Ben’s wedding wasn’t the vows. It wasn’t the rings. It wasn’t even the kiss. It happened a few moments after Rachel reached the end of the aisle.
While everyone else was taking in the emotion of seeing her arrive, Rachel did something wonderfully… Rachel. She quietly turned to Ben and started chatting. She caught him up on everything he’d missed while they were getting ready separately. Little snippets from the evening before. Things that had happened that morning. The sort of conversation any couple might have after being apart for a few hours.
I carried on welcoming everyone and thanking the people who had helped bring them to that moment.
Trust isn’t something you find on the day
Rachel simply trusted me to do my bit. She trusted Ben to do his. And she allowed herself to just be with the person she’d come to marry. I loved it. Because that’s exactly what their ceremony became. Not a performance. Not something they had to carefully manage. Just a joyful celebration they were fully present for.
The irony is that this kind of calm doesn’t happen by accident. Rachel had planned brilliantly. Every little detail had been considered long before the wedding day arrived. Her sister, Amy, quietly made sure reserved seats were exactly where they needed to be. Every supplier knew what was happening and when. Everyone had their role.
Once the day arrived, there was very little left to organise. There was simply a wedding to enjoy.
The sun had other plans
It was a glorious July afternoon at The Barn at Higher Beardon, with sweeping views across Dartmoor and sunshine that refused to take the day off. White heart-shaped fans fluttered constantly throughout the ceremony, creating little pockets of breeze and doubling as makeshift sun visors whenever the light became just a little too enthusiastic.
Nobody pretended it wasn’t hot. Nobody let it spoil the day either. It simply became part of the story.
One “I will” changed everything
When I invited everyone to show their support for Rachel and Ben’s marriage, the first response was… polite. Perhaps people were still settling in. Perhaps they were concentrating on staying cool in the blazing sunshine. So I smiled and invited them to try again.
The second “I will” rang out across the hillside. Louder. Prouder. Joyfully unselfconscious.
This is why I love ceremonies
From that moment on, everyone leaned into the ceremony. There was laughter, cheering, gentle teasing and so much warmth. It never felt like people were watching a wedding. It felt like they were helping to create one.
I often hear couples worry about getting every little detail right. Will people enjoy themselves? Will the ceremony go to plan? Will everything be perfect? Rachel and Ben reminded me that perfection isn’t really the point. Preparation matters. Choosing people you trust matters. Creating a ceremony that feels like you matters. But once the day arrives, the greatest gift you can give yourselves is permission to stop managing it.
Trust the people around you. Look at each other. Have the conversation. Laugh. Let the day unfold.
Not perfection. Presence.
The photographs will capture the smiles. The video will capture the laughter. But what I’ll remember most is looking out across Dartmoor, seeing white fans dancing in the sunshine, and watching two people who had completely let go of worrying about getting everything right.
They were simply delighted to be there. That’s what trust looks like on a wedding day.
Not perfection. Presence.